Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Obama Appoints Russian Mystic Rasputin “Psychic Economic Adviser to the Czars”

Washington, D.C.--Earlier this year, the Obama Administration warned that if Congress failed to pass legislation allowing government control over large-scale taxpayer-funded spending projects, the unemployment rate would rise to 8.8% by this month. Congress enacted such legislation, but since then the unemployment rate has risen to 9.4%, indicating the $787 billion stimulus bill was not worth the cost.

Disappointed by his government’s failure to accurately predict the economic results of its own programs, President Obama rejected a return to capitalism and instead announced his appointment of yet another cabinet member.

“Although I’ve created a variety of ‘czars,’ from car czars to corporate payment czars,” Obama told reporters, “they haven’t been able to agree on how best to produce the jobs America needs. I need someone to manage inter-czar disputes, and who better to do that than the mystic Grigori Rasputin, famed psychic counselor to Czar Nicholas II.”

“Mr. Rasputin did an excellent job stemming the uncontrolled bleeding of the hemopheliac son of a Russian monarch,” said Obama, “and I’m confident he can also help stem massive job losses in the U.S. economy.”

While critics say no group of government regulators could ever reproduce the efficient allocation of jobs and resources that result from a free market in which millions of unique individuals engage in mutually beneficial and voluntary transactions, Obama predicted such critics would come around “once they gaze into Rasputin’s freaky deaky, all-seeing eyes.”

Insiders said Rasuptin has already discerned that Obama's policies have "saved" 150,000 jobs that would have otherwise been lost. When asked how the number of jobs "saved" could ever be verified, administration sources said the figure was derived from "macroeconomic estimates provided by the Ouija Board of Economic Statistics."

Associated materials: http://otrans.3cdn.net/45593e8ecbd339d074_l3m6bt1te.pdf; http://michaelscomments.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/stimulus-vs-unemployment-may2.gif; http://www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.nr0.htm; http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124451592762396883.html; http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Obama-repackages-stimulus-apf-15470798.html; http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1466397368167658753&ei=wtYtSuHCM4nKqgKDnbW0Cg&q=%22commanding+heights%22+hayek&hl=en; associated video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJu0DgpiK8c&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fpajamasmedia%2Ecom%2Finstapundit%2F&feature=player_embedded