Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Treasury Secretary Geithner Takes Comedy Routine on the Road

Peking, China.--Language posed no barrier to the universal humor of government incompetence as Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner started his "World Tour of Comedy" yesterday in China. The tour is intended to assuage foreign governments' fears that their loans to the U.S. won’t be repaid.

Speaking to a capacity crowd at Peking University, Geithner donned his trademark sequin-covered leather jacket and upturned collar and regaled the audience with dozens of “bottom liners.”

“My staff told me our 2009 federal budget deficit was set to reach 13% of our gross domestic product,” he said. “13%! Can you believe it? I told them 13’s unlucky, so let’s make it 14% instead. D'oh!”

The Chinese finance minister was spotted doubled over in laughter as Geithner kept them coming.

“We were spending so much taxpayer money at Treasury we ran out of ways to use it. I started grinding it up and snorting it.”

Halfway through the performance, as the crowd's laughter turned nervous, Geithner tried to offer some reassurance.

“Hey, don’t worry,” he said. “We’re going to cut our deficit by reforming our health care system. Now you might ask how spending trillions for a new entitlement program will reduce concerns about the deficit? Well that’s just the money we’ll be spending on Prozac.”

Sensing the audience had begun to turn hostile, Geithner cut his performance short. As he ran off the stage, he could be heard yelling “Hey, I don’t pay all my taxes either!”

Associated articles:;