Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Obama Surrenders to Big Government; Signs Instrument of Surrender in Form of Bill Regulating the Cigarettes He Can't Keep Himself from Smoking

Yesterday, President Obama, a longtime and current smoker, officially surrendered to the federal government on behalf of the American people by signing federal legislation regulating cigarettes and other tobacco products. The ceremony took place aboard the deck of the U.S.S. Illinois.

During the ceremony, Obama said, "I am the perfect example of why individuals cannot be expected to use their own abilities and resources to improve their own lives. And if I can't do it, who can? We must look to government for the coercion we need to help reach the result it deems best for us."

The surrender was witnessed by cabinet officials and hundreds of other federal bureaucrats.

"Like many Americans," said Obama, "I often can't be trusted to set a good example for my kids, let alone provide all the parenting necessary to help ensure they do the right thing. This surrender is not something I wanted. But it's something we need as a nation."

Observers said Obama seemed a bit tense by the conclusion of the ceremony, at which time he reached into his suit pocket and quickly ducked behind the nearest flight control tower.

Associated articles: Fox News;;