Friday, December 10, 2010

Obama Assures Nation: "I Come in Peace"

Washington, D.C.--In a prime time television address that rivited the nation, President Barack Obama sought to assure tremulous Americans who generally consider him distant and detached that "I come in peace."

Obama delivered the address inside what White House officials called "The Oval Saucer," pausing frequently to extend his hand toward the camera in a reassuring manner. "You have nothing to fear," said Obama, his voice echoing with every syllable.

Many Americans expressed relief following the address, especially from Obama's assurances that "We will depart as soon as our egos are fed." But others remained concerned by Obama's remarks that "your civilization will be protected by layers of bureaucracy that will preserve your species for generations to come."

Still others were unnerved by Obama's use of the royal "we," but an administration spokesperson made clear that such a linguistic formulation "referred only to the collective consciousness of the larger White House," and that "in any case our data indicate your kind can safely withstand at least six more years of preparatory incubation."