Washington, D.C.--Following the last election's massive turnout of voters intent on electing representatives who will help restore traditional Americans values and oppose central parts of President Obama's agenda, the White House announced today that Obama plans a national listening tour in which he will visit all 50 states while plugging his ears and humming the national anthem."The president will demonstrate his deep patriotism by traveling cross-sections of the country, standing in large audiences, and then filling his head with the sonorous sounds of the Star-Spangled Banner," said a White House spokesperson. "And in the event people in the crowds prove at all distracting, the president stands ready to order the firing of cannons during the anthem's crescendo."
