Monday, December 7, 2009

Obama Announces Goal of Spring-Powered Battle for Scarce Energy Resources by 2050

Copenhagen, Denmark--President Barack Obama announced today that he would commit the United States to creating a steam- and spring-powered society by the year 2050 in which bands of warrior tribes would compete for scarce energy resources using giant crank-operated robots.

The President's remarks coincided with an international conference in Copenhagen at which the nations of the world were expected to commit to dramatic reductions in carbon energy use despite their being no conclusive evidence that human-caused global warming poses any significant threat to the world.

Obama promised that U.S. carbon emissions in 2050 will be 83 percent below 2005 levels, meaning that, in forty years, per capita emissions will have to fall to what they were in 1875.

"That may seem scary," said Obama, "but writers in the science fiction steampunk genre have long imagined post-Industrial Revolution societies powered largely by steam and complex spring-driven machines that could be used to capture whatever remaining resources remained legal."

When asked whether such a course of action was feasible, Administration officials pointed to a variety of fantasy novels that included vehicles and weapons fueled by giant bellows and elaborate spring-wound gear shafts.

At the conclusion of the Copenhagen talks, Obama stirred the crowd, saying "I have a dream that one day all Americans will have a chance to win their share of food and water by killing competing scavengers with gatling guns powered by corkscrews and water pressure."

Associated article: George Will

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