Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Obama Grants Himself First-Ever "Jive Turkey" Thanksgiving Pardon

Washington, D.C.--After ten months in office, President Obama continued the White House tradition of "pardoning" a turkey before Thanksgiving, but with a twist. This year, Obama pardoned himself in the first-ever "jive turkey" Thanksgiving pardon ceremony.

"If anyone needs a pardon," he said, "it's me."

After reading the definition of "jive turkey" -- which the Urban Dictionary describes as "a master of B.S." -- the President reviewed some of the major domestic and foreign policy statements he made during his first ten months in office.

"My administration said that if the $787 billion spending bill didn't pass, unemployment would reach 8 percent. Well, that giant spending bill passed, and unemployment's now over 10 percent. I also said my health care bill would save money. But it actually spends more money."

"I said the war in Afghanistan was a necessary one," he continued, "but I didn't meet with the general in charge of that war for eight months, and I've only just now made a decision on troop support there."

Obama concluded his remarks, saying "The reason for this pardon is clear: whenever I say something's clear, you know I'm jiving. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone."

Blog Archive