Sunday, August 9, 2009

Speaker Pelosi Vows to Stop Spread of "Nazi Zombie Menace" Before It Infects More Town Hall Meetings

Washington, D.C.--When asked by a reporter whether protests at various town hall meetings represented legitimate grassroots opposition or were manufactured “AstroTurf” events, she replied, “I think they’re AstroTurf ... They’re carrying swastikas and symbols like that to a town meeting on health care.” She made those comments even though those symbols were used only a handful of times nationwide, and they were used to express disgust for, not support of, what were perceived to be fascist policies.

Today, Speaker Pelosi called on the President to declare a national emergency and focus federal resources toward stopping what she called "the Nazi zombie menace" before it "infects more town hall meetings."

"Look," said Pelosi, "whether these people are sincere in their undead brain-eating Hitler-following habits or not, they have to be neutralized."

Pelosi told reporters the zombies could only be stopped by destroying their brains. "That's the source of all the thinking stuff," she said. "If the thinking's not stopped, it could infect other people around them."

Pelosi's call for a state of emergency follows reports that the White House may have run afoul of federal privacy and records laws by compiling information on people whose exercise of their First Amendment rights indicate resistance to Democratic health care proposals.

Pelosi called for amending such statutes to provide for a "Nazi zombie" exception, which she said would only apply to "something over half the population."

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