Thursday, July 2, 2009

White House Defends Use of Electric Cattle Prods at “Cattle Call” Meetings

Washington, D.C.--The White House has come under criticism for planting questioners and screening questions at what were promoted as spontaneous “town hall meetings,” prompting veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas to say not even Richard Nixon tried to control the press the way President Obama has.

In response, the White House announced it would stop exercising such control over the events. Now referred to as “cattle call meetings,” they will feature questioners “chosen at random” with an electric cattle prod.

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibb acknowledged the new format was a work in progress. “I understand it’s sometimes difficult to hear the questions over the yelps,” he said. “We’re working on that."

When asked whether the use of a high-voltage behavioral modification device might unduly influence the tenor of the questions asked at the meetings, Gibbs replied in the sarcastically patronizing manner reporters have come to know and love. “I’m shocked, shocked you would suggest such a thing,” he said. “Kiss off!”

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