Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Obama Signs Executive Order Issuing Blanket Denial of Vice President’s Future Remarks

Washington, D.C.--In what was described as a move to “streamline the process of clarifying” Vice President Biden’s repeatedly ill-informed remarks, President Obama signed an executive order that contains a blanket denial of comments Vice President Biden is expected to make in the future.

Obama addressed reporters at the start of the signing ceremony, stating “When I put my Vice President in charge of overseeing the trillion-dollar spending Congress authorized this year, I said nobody messes with Joe. And as we’ve seen, nobody messes with Joe because he is entirely capable of making a mess of himself.”

Following the ceremony, the Vice President apparently made some remarks of his own from behind an opaque screen, using a electronic device to disguise his voice. “Thanks to this blanket denial,” he warbled, “the American people will no longer have to worry about my public statements giving the green light to an Israeli attack on Iran, stating this Administration misread how bad the economy is, warning that people should have avoided confined places and public transportation after initial swine flu reports, and confessing that determining how many jobs were created by the spending bill I was in charge of was above my pay grade.”

According to Administration officials, the White House considered alternatives to the executive order -- such as extending to the Vice President the Administration policy of reading Miranda warnings to terrorists and advising them of their right to remain silent – but ultimately decided to take steps short of those required before criminal prosecution.

Sources said the executive order would also bring an end to a controversial CIA program in which all of Biden’s communications were secretly monitored to help preempt further public embarrassment.

Associated articles: Mediaite;;