Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Democrats Hire M. Night Shyamalan to Direct Pre-election Media Strategy

Washington, D.C.--Congressional Democrats have hired screenwriter M. Night Shyamalan -- known for his quirky films that include often too-whacked-by-half twist endings -- to direct their final, pre-election media strategy.

"We're very excited to have M. Night Shyamalan on board," said Democratic House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "The American people already know what we've done to the country. But many people don't yet know that the unprecedented amounts of taxpayer money we've been spending is going to feed a voracious supernatural deity which, if left unfed, would have feasted on the souls of children."

Democratic officials reacted with relief to the announcement that Shyamalan would be leading their communications efforts.

"So far, the massive stimulus projects we passed seem to have been a near-total waste," said one Democratic National Committee spokesperson. "But now Shyamalan can help people see that we Democrats have actually been saving baby's souls while nobly protecting the American public from mass panic."

Officials close to Shyamalan were tight-lipped about the final details of his communications vision, but they assured reporters "This election will end with the realization that hard-earned taxpayer money had to be wasted to save the next generation, and that money isn't everything in the face of the ravenous jaws of a subterranean soul-sucking beast."

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