Monday, August 30, 2010

Both Parties Claim to Have Best Plan for Evacuating the Country

Littlehaven, South Dakota--With the Federal Reserve warning the U.S. economy is weakening, the percentage of gross domestic product that constitutes debt growing rapidly larger, Social Security Trustees saying the program will pay out more in benefits than it collects in taxes the next couple years, businesses unwilling to hire due to fear of massive energy costs under burdensome regulations, the Medicare Actuary saying the new health care law will actually increase health care costs, and the Association of American Medical Colleges' predicting a shortage of 160,000 doctors within 15 years, Republican and Democratic candidates for Congress are debating which party has the best plan for evacuating the country.

In a joint statement, spokespeople for both parties said "We agree with the American people that our top priority should be a quick, efficient means of egress from land within the jurisdiction of the federal government, and we pledge to move forward together in a bipartisan plan for mass exodus."

Associated articles: Wall Street Journal; Economics 21

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