Thursday, September 3, 2009

Some Children Moved to Tears as Obama, in Nationally Televised School Address, Reminds Students of Their Duty to Pay Back Massive Federal Debt

President Obama, in a nationally televised elementary school address, instructed students across America on their duty to pay down the massive federal debt his policies created.

“Let me be clear," Obama told young people nationwide. "You all need to start putting a lot more of your lunch money and allowances aside so you can use it to pay higher taxes later and cover the costs of my way cool programs.”

Teachers reported that many children “were moved to tears.”

The Department of Education, after initially advising teachers to require students to “Write letters to themselves about what they can do to help the President,” revised the recommended teaching plans to include the following lessons:

Lesson 1: Teach students about the President’s plan for health care rationing. Tell students they all have to give a dollar from their lunch money to school nurse Ratchet instead of their family doctor. Then tell them the next time they scrape their knee, they have to wait in line to see Ms. Ratchet.

Lesson 2: Teach students about the President’s cap and trade plan to raise energy prices. Take ten students outside to enjoy the lower summer temperatures as the Earth continues to undergo a period of global cooling even as carbon emissions go up. Give all the students a battery-operated toy car. Then tell one student that he represents the U.S. and can only use his toy car for ten minutes. Tell the other nine students they represent China and India -- countries that are responsible for the vast majority of carbon emissions -- and that they can use their toy cars as much as they want. (If the one student starts to cry, comfort him with a photo of President Obama.)

Lesson 3: Teach students about large negative numbers by having them subtract record high federal spending from record low federal tax revenues in a weak economy.

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