Wednesday, September 9, 2009

New York Times to Reduce Costs and Increase Transparency By Not Using Ink and Paper on Reports Critical of Administration Agenda

New York, NY--The New York Times -- after years of losing revenue in the face of competition from other media outlets providing more accurate and balanced sources of news -- announced a major cost-savings initiative that includes eliminating all the ink and paper that would otherwise be used to print stories reflecting poorly on the Obama Administration and the Democratic Congress.

"We're launching a program of unprecedented openness," said the Times' editor-in-chief. "It was patently obvious to the most casual observer that we aren't interested in balanced coverage, and now we're making that transparent for our readers. Literally transparent, as we'll be printing the paper with huge gaping holes representing the stories we refuse to print."

Newspaper officials said the new policy would avoid the sort of cognitive dissonance its readers had felt too often in the past. "For example," they said, "we refused to run any stories about the controversy surrounding former Obama Administration green jobs czar Van Jones -- who was an avowed communist, cop-killer supporter, and believer in the fringe theory that the U.S. government was complicit in the 9/11 attacks -- until after he had already resigned."

A Times spokesperson told reporters the new initiative will help the environment as well, saying "We're also going to start using actual, all-natural, biodegradable bile for printing editorials criticizing opponents of a liberal agenda."

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