Monday, March 30, 2009

Obama Becomes First Commander-in-Chief Chief Executive Officer of GM

Detroit--After ousting General Motors Corporation’s former chief operating officer, and following GM’s spending billions of dollars in government loans he supported, President Obama officially took control of the automaker as its first Commander-in-Chief Chief Executive Officer.

At a ribbon-cutting ceremony, the President took the opportunity to announce the government would guarantee all GM warranties to instill consumer confidence. Under the program, GM cars would be covered under warranty as long as car owners had government-issued IDs, paid a licensing fee, took a course in car maintenance, provided a complete history of car upkeep free of adverse car events, and submitted multiple competitive bids from companies employing only green-certified union workers.

The President then addressed GM’s plans moving forward. He told reporters that before he became a politician, he was a community organizer and a law professor, and as such “the only things I’ve designed are protest signs and a syllabus or two.” But he boldly predicted the success of two new car lines he has aleady begun developing.

The first, modeled closely on the now-defunct Yugoslavian government-manufactured “Yugo,” will be called the “You Go, Girl!” and promoted by Presidential friend Oprah Winfrey. The second, dubbed the Katrina, would fulfill the President's commitment to produce "greener" cars that run exclusively on hope and change.

Asked when prototypes of the cars might be available to the public, the President said only that there was an interim “Plan B,” which sources later confirmed stands for “bankruptcy.”

Associated articles:;;;;; National Affairs; Washington Post; New Editor