Latest Communications Rage "Twit" Limits Conversations to Four Characters or Less

Democrats Demand Stronger Microphone Control Laws and Shorter Audio Feeds Following Shooting Tragedy

Washington, D.C.--Following a tragic shooting committed by a lone deranged man whose motivation had no discernible political connection, Democrats in Congress moved to prevent "ideas from getting into the wrong hands" through stronger microphone control laws and limits on the size of television audio feeds.

"The constitutional right to bear speech has limits," said one proponent of the legislation. "Do you really need a microphone this large or an audio feed that holds more than a few minutes of sound data to shoot down a bad idea?"

Associated article: Charles Krauthammer

Members of Congress Move to Reverse Their Listing as an Invasive Species

Washington, D.C.--The House and Senate moved quickly today to legislatively reverse the listing of Members of Congress on the "invasive species" list.

Invasive species are defined as foreign species that alter the environment in ways that support their own existence over native species. Members of Congress were designated as invasive after they passed the DISCLOSE Act, federal legislation that limits the ability of non-profit and for-profit corporations, but not unions, to criticize incumbents, and the Federal Trade Commission issued a draft proposal to have the federal government provide "direct and indirect" taxpayer-funded bailouts of journalists with the inevitable limits on free speech that would come with such federal funding.

"Once a species with an instinct for European socialist regulatory policies begins to restrict the ability of native American species to compete in a free market of ideas," said one political environmental expert, "it becomes invasive."

Members of Congress were placed on the list behind the brown tree snake and the Chinese mitten crab amidst concerns federal representatives "might soon even crowd out cockroaches."

Associated articles: Center for Competitive Politics; Reason; Daily Caller; associated report: Federal Trade Commission

Found on Local Public School Bulletin Board

Associated video: Breitbart TV

School Officials Reach Compromise: Allow Students to Wear American Flag T-Shirts on Cinco de Mayo As Long As the Shirts Are Set On Fire

Associated articles: CBS 5; NBC Bay Area; Washington Post

South Park Creators Concerned New Comedy Central Humor Review Board Will Limit Their Creativity

New York, New York--The Comedy Central network recently aired an episode of the irreverent "South Park" cartoon -- a series that has relentlessly mocked all aspects of American society -- that depicted a Muslim prophet in a bear costume. That reportedly offended some radical Muslims who suggested the cartoon's creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone would be killed for blasphemy.

In response to those threats, Comedy Central instituted an internal review procedure that Parker and Stone say may limit their creative expression.

"They have two terrorists hovering over us with bloody hacksaws," said Parker. "It's a bit heavy-handed."

A Comedy Central spokesperson defended the new review process, saying "Why should this network outsource a censorship policy when we're fully capable of operating it in-house?"

Associated article: Ross Douthat

Tea Party Barbie (click image to enlarge)

King George III: Time to Restore Servility to Our Political Discourse! (click image to enlarge)

Associated articles: City Journal; National Review

Administration Announces 5-Year Speech Production Goals

Washington, D.C.--The Obama Administration announced the launch of a "5-Year speech production plan" designed to regulate discussions according to universal principles of "productive talk."

Mark Lloyd, the Federal Communications Commission's associate general counsel and "diversity czar" who wrote in 2007 on the need to close "the gap between conservative and progressive talk radio" and praised the "incredible democratic revolution" of a Venezuelan dictator, said the plan calls for boosting "good speech product" in the U.S.

The plan also calls for the U.S. to conform to a United Nations Human Rights Council resolution -- drafted by countries with stellar free speech records like China, Cuba, and Saudi Arabia -- that calls on nations to criminalize speech certain religious and racial groups deem offensive.

Such prohibitions would trump the Constitution's First Amendment, according to the State Department's top lawyer, Harold Koh, who wrote in 2003 that the American "exceptional free-speech tradition can cause problems abroad," and called on the U.S. Supreme Court to "moderate these conflicts by applying more consistently the transnational approach to judicial interpretation" that he advocates.

Koh said the goal of reaching these speech targets within five years is ambitious, but added "Either we do it, or the forces of robust debate may crush us over the long term."

Associated article: National Journal; associated video: Brietbart

Democrats Shocked That Supreme Court Would Rule That Groups of Individuals As Well As Individuals Have Free Speech Rights

Washington, D.C.--Just days after the Supreme Court held that corporations, nonprofit corporations, and unions could not be denied their free speech rights to engage in political advocacy during federal elections, Democrats responded angrily to the notion that "groups of individuals" as well as individuals have free speech rights.

In response to the Supreme Court's decision, Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) introduced a constitutional amendment that would strike from the nation's founding charter the term "persons" and other plural references to people.

"While it's perfectly appropriate for Members of Congress like me to be able to collect corporate contributions and use the money to air political ads in favor of our positions," said Grayson, "it's a perversion of the political process to allow individuals to combine their own financial resources and do the same."

Associated articles: Wall Street Journal; Wall Street Journal 2; George Will; Wall Street Journal 3; Wall Street Journal 4

Democrats Unveil Ad Campaign to Encourage Post-Racial Age, Impugn Motives of Critics

Associated articles: Michael Barone; Wall Street Journal