Instead of Passing Budget, Congress Passes Resolution Recognizing National Budget Week in Honor of Those Who Have Budgets

Associated articles: Politico; The Hill; Daily Caller; Associated Press

Obama Appears on Food Network to Cook His Special "Federal Accounting Book" Recipe

Washington, D.C.--President Obama appeared on the Food Network yesterday to cook his "special recipe" consisting of budget tables, federal budget books, and "loads of cash," all flame-sauteed over a giant burner.

"We read about the President's health care bill, and his fondness for cooking the books," said a Food Network spokesperson. "We figured he'd be a perfect addition to our lineup."

Obama, whose health care plan became famous for its double-counting the same federal dollars toward reducing the deficit and paying for benefits, was thrilled by the invitation.

"My recipe builds on one used by notorious Ponzi-schemer Bernie Madoff," said Obama. "But mine has a lot more kick to it."

Associated article: National Review

Obama Creates Commission to Study Nation's Budget Problems; Appoints Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus to Serve as Chair and Co-Chair

Associated articles: Washington Post; National Review

ObamaTV: Deficits Graph

C-Span Video: Record-Breaking Federal Budget Arrives on Capitol Hill

(Video also on YouTube if video below doesn't work.)

Obama Economic Advisers Found in Jungle Cave Thinking World War II Not Ended

Mindoro, Philippines--President Obama's team of economic advisers, including Office of Management and Budget Director Peter Orszag, were discovered in the Philippines after search teams pieced together clues from a record-breaking budget plan they left behind.

The advisers were found huddled deep inside a jungle cave believing World War II had not yet ended.

"We've known Obama's economic team has been missing in action for a long time," said one Administration official. "But we were at a loss as to their location until we discovered their plan for massive federal deficits even larger than those seen in World War II, when measured as a percentage of the economy. That's when we began looking for them in remote island caverns.

When reached for comment, Lt. Hiroo Onoda -- one of the last previously known World War II holdouts discovered hiding on Lubang Island in 1974 -- said "I'm glad they found them, but if I were you I'd leave their budget back in the cave."

Associated article: Reuters; National Review; The Hill

Obama Announces New Debt Reduction Program; President Will Extend His Vacation on Martha’s Vineyard

With record federal budget deficits combined with projections of the lowest federal tax receipts since the Great Depression, the White House is looking for ways to reduce the federal debt.

Yesterday, Treasury Secretary Geithner outlined the administration’s latest debt reduction program: a proposal to extend the President’s vacation in Martha’s Vineyard.

The White House press secretary told reporters, “The island’s almost 80 square miles, so we’re confident that by adding a few hikes and extra rounds of golf we can keep the President away from Washington, D.C. another three or four days."

Associated article: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_plummeting_taxes

Giant U.S. Money Leak Ruins Floors Throughout China

Peking, China.--Chinese diplomats lodged an official complaint with the United Nations today as a giant U.S. money leak continued to ruin floors throughout China, on the other side of the globe.

“Congress’ record $4 trillion in annual spending has been seeping into our country for weeks now,” said China’s foreign minister, “but the U.S. has done nothing about it.”

China estimates the leak pours $11 billion per day under China’s upper crust, loosening floor boards, weakening foundations, and clogging toilets.

“Every day I read in paper about more U.S. spending,” said one frustrated Chinese citizen. “And every day I tell my wife we need a bigger mop.”

Associated articles: http://www.nypost.com/seven/07192009/news/nationalnews/govt_spending_shatters_postwar_records_180113.htm; http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/economics/6146957/China-alarmed-by-US-money-printing.html

Obama Appoints Bizarro Economic Policy Communications Czar

Washington, D.C.--President Obama announced his appointment of Bizarro, an imperfect duplicate of Superman known for his twisted logic, as his “economic policy communications czar.”

Before making the announcement, Obama praised Bizarro’s “compelling life story” in which he overcame his creation by Lex Luthor in a flawed duplication ray to become one of Superman’s most famous enemies.

While noting he was “hampered by an inherent illogic,” Obama said “There’s no one better than Bizarro to describe my economic policies to the American people.”

After taking the podium, Bizarro described how the Administration is reducing the federal budget deficit by using the same logic it’s used to argue the massive spending bill passed by Congress “saved” millions of jobs even as the unemployment rate reaches historic highs.

“We reduce budget deficit by making OK you keep some money,” said Bizarro. “Money you keep not used by government, so government deficit go down.”

When asked whether the Administration had any new proposals to lower the deficit, Bizarro said “Biden have plan that we spend money so no go bankrupt. Print more hot soft cash!”

Associated articles: http://www.cnsnews.com/public/content/article.aspx?RsrcID=51162; http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204488304574425294029138738.html; http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090921/ap_on_go_pr_wh/us_health_insurance_tax_fact_check

Fair Share

Associated articles: http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/obamas-tax-reckoning-2009-04-14.html; http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/04/15/walker.tax.debt/index.html; http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D97MDHAG0&show_article=1; http://www.cbo.gov/doc.cfm?index=10014; associated video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv4OeKmWjOI