Global Warming Advocacy Group Unveils New Ad Campaign (Click Image to Enlarge)

Associated materials: Wall Street Journal

"Climategate" Scientists Manipulate Temperature Data and Backyard Photos to Negate Recent East Coast Snow Storm

White House Releases Photos of President Obama's Negotiations with China on International Climate Change Policies

Copenhagen Talks Cut Short As Organizers Conclude "A Little Climate Change Has Got to Be Better Than a World of Tear Gas and Snot-Nosed Protesters"

Copenhagen, Denmark--As the international Copenhagen climate change summit came to a close, its proceedings devolved into chaos as negotiations bogged down following opposition by China and India, the president of the conference abruptly stepped down, and hordes of violent protesters had to be teargassed by police.

Organizers of the talks finally called a halt to the summit, concluding that a potential temperature rise of a degree or two "can't be as bad as a rain of broken bottles thrown by hordes of snot-nosed activists amidst sprawling clouds of tear gas."

Associated article: Politico

Obama’s Long-windedness Adds to Chaos in Copenhagen As His Verbosity Overheats Green Energy Turbine

Al Gore Reads His Apocalyptic Climate Change Poem "Crack in the World"

Precautionary Principle Motivational Poster

Associated articles: Pajamas Media; AEI

EPA Administrator Holds Congress Hostage in Separation of Powers Standoff

Washington, D.C.--Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Lisa Jackson and a band of fellow bureaucrats stormed the U.S. Capitol Building and demanded that Congress pass stringent limits on carbon emissions and energy use, or else she and her other EPA colleagues would impose even more draconian restrictions through the regulatory process, which does not involve action by Congress.

Speaking through a megaphone on a Capitol balcony, Jackson said "With popular opinion and elected representatives turning against the need to dramatically increase energy costs, it's up to unelected bureaucrats like us to force action."

Business representatives could be seen squatting behind Jackson with their hands behind their heads.

"I want to see a bill signed into law by the President, or you can kiss millions of jobs goodbye," Jackson told negotiators, opening the vest she was wearing to reveal thousands of pages of regulations she said she would promulgate if her demands were not met.

Negotiators tried to impress upon Jackson that any resources wasted on increased energy costs meant less could be spent on solving other problems, but Jackson remained unmoved while police continued to monitor what some observers are calling a "separation of powers standoff."

Associated articles: Wall Street Journal 1;Wall Street Journal 2; Wall Street Journal 3

White House Says "Overwhelming Consensus of Political Scientists" Supports Its Climate Change Policies

Washington, D.C.--As it has become increasingly clear that the science of climate change is far from settled -- and as the validity of a prominent United Nations report supporting human-caused climate change has been undermined by revelations that its underlying data were fudged or destroyed -- the Obama administration today announced that an "overwhelming consensus" of political scientists supported its drastic programs to raise energy prices.

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs told reporters, "Look, these political scientists might not have a B.S. in any of the physical sciences, but no one disputes they have B.A.s in B.S."

The American Political Science Association issued a press release to coincide with the press briefing that made clear that "political science has the word 'science' in it. So there."

Associated articles: MIT meteorologist Lindzen; Washington Times; National Review; Wall Street Journal; New Scientist

Floor of U.S. House of Representatives Redesigned for Wagers on Legislation Not in Final Form

Washington, D.C.--Following a vote on a global warming bill that included a 300-page amendment the leadership of the U.S. House of Representatives could not produce in final form before votes were cast, the floor of the House has been redesigned to accommodate wagers on legislation not available in final form.

The screen that formerly showed the legislation under consideration has been replaced with a board displaying Las Vegas odds reflecting the chance various provisions are in the bill Members are voting on.

“It’s a crap shoot,” said one Member. “And I mean crap.”

Under the new rules, amendments are “flopped” face down and only revealed after final votes are cast.

“It’s tough,” said one member of the minority party. “Speaker Pelosi has a plastic surgeon give her a different poker face before each hand’s dealt.”

Members have already begun giving names to sections of bills they’re backing. “I’m rooting for Exemption Express," said one Congressman clutching his voting card as the final minutes of the vote counted down. “The odds are 2-1 he’s in the final product.”

The new system has led to some confusion, as when one Member yelled “Bingo!” during floor debate.

But rules of thumb are gradually taking hold. “Since we can’t vote on the text of the legislation,” said one Representative, “some of us are only voting for bills that have lucky House Resolution numbers.”

Associated articles: http://washingtontimes.com/news/2009/jul/06/passing-unread-laws/; http://www.cnsnews.com/public/content/article.aspx?RsrcID=50677; associated video: http://hotair.com/archives/2009/07/27/video-conyers-scoffs-at-doing-his-job/

Democrats Force Quick Vote on "Cap and Tax" Legislation, Citing an "Escalating Skepticism Crisis” Regarding Climate Warming Theories

Washington, D.C.--Democrats in Congress and President Obama forced swift action on a massive bill to dramatically increase energy costs in the face of what they called an “escalating skepticism crisis” regarding theories that claim human emissions are making the earth warmer.

“In Europe, Japan, and Australia, there is increasing doubt that drastic cuts in energy use are warranted, as the evidence of human-caused global warming proves lacking,” said Democrat Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. “If we don’t enact draconian policies now, this window of misinformation might be closed forever.”

Proponents of the “cap and tax” legislation showed reporters a dire depiction of what could be “things to come” if misguided policies are not locked in place now: a lonely Al Gore, increasingly isolated on a twisted theory melting in the face of contrary empirical data.

As the earth’s temperature has flat-lined, even as concentrations of carbon dioxide increase, and research is contradicting what was previously claimed to be a consensus, Administration officials said “we must act now to increase energy costs based on extremely suspect environmental theories before those theories are completely refuted.”

Associated articles: London Times; http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124597505076157449.html;
http://www.clubforgrowth.org/2009/06/15_reasons_to_oppose_climate_b.php; http://blogs.usatoday.com/sciencefair/2009/07/could-we-be-wrong-about-global-warming.html; http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=ZmU0NDMzZTlkM2E5MDBhY2Q4N2ViYTFkNjVmNzU5NTc=; http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=ZTBiMTRlMDQxNzEyMmRhZjU3ZmYzODI5MGY4ZWI5OWM

Obama Urges Congress to "Set an Example for the World to Follow" by Passing Critical Tooth Fairy Legislation

Washington, D.C.--President Obama has tried to convince the world that releasing terrorist detainees held at Guantanamo Bay doesn't pose a security threat, so other countries might accept them. He has also tried to convince the world that draconian steps should be taken to increase energy costs so emissions he claims increase "global warming" can be reduced worldwide.

But those efforts have met resistance overseas because Americans -- increasingly skeptical of their value -- generally oppose the release of Guantanamo Bay detainees into their own communities and legislation taxing domestic energy consumption.

Today, President Obama used what some called "his inherent moral authority" to prod Americans in a "new direction" by urging Congress to start "setting a better example for other countries to follow" by passing “essential tooth fairy legislation.”

"How can we expect the rest of the world to join us in pursuing bold, new, and untested policies aimed at making the world a better place if we don't do the same here at home?" asked Obama. “That's why I'm calling on Congress to set a new tone by passing legislation requiring all Americans to remove some of their own teeth and place them under their pillows so the tooth fairy can pay us a visit and boost the world economy."

One Administration official added, "If we can get other countries to trust our commitment to the tooth fairy and similar concepts, we'll have a much better chance getting them to pursue other apparently counter-factual policies."

"Americans have always been dreamers," said Obama at the conclusion of his remarks. "Congress needs to live up to that heritage and immediately pass tooth fairy legislation."

Associated articles: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/16/world/16gitmo.html; http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/05/28/AR2009052803920_pf.html; http://www.royalgazette.com/siftology.royalgazette/Article/article.jsp?articleId=7d9684e30030001&sectionId=60; http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2009/06/four-uighurs-settled-in-bermuda.html; http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=OTIxNTlkNzc5NTM3N2IzYzBlODZiNDRjMGRlYWQxYzE=

Cap-and-Trade Bill Expanded to Develop Markets in Household Radical Environmentalists

Washington, D.C.--Rep. Henry Waxman (D-CA), the Chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee, announced his support yesterday for legislation that would expand the so-called "cap and trade" program designed to limit emissions that contribute to global warming.

The cap and trade program works by capping the total amount of pollutants all companies can emit and creating a market in tradable credits those companies can use to allocate how much pollution each company can produce.

Explaining the new program, Waxman said "With growing evidence that the theory of human-caused global warming cannot be substantiated, it's becoming much more difficult to justify the cap and trade program. To maintain the environmental hysteria that program's based on, Congress needs to create a market for environmental ideologues who will harass, needle, and otherwise cajole people into taking actions that can't be justified by science.”

Under the new program, environmental ideologues would be regulated nationwide in a way that distributes them more evenly throughout society. Households with more than a critical mass of such ideologues would be able to trade them to others who need to be pressured into reducing their own carbon footprints.

"My sister rarely showers or shaves to save energy," said one brother grateful for the new program. "She even makes us wash out and reuse the plastic bags for picking up after the dog. Now I can send her off to the family down the street in exchange for their son because the government says they don’t use enough public transportation."

Another man looking forward to the program complained that his roommate "guilted us into buying reusable bamboo underwear. Now we'll get to trade him for someone who’ll just make us use florescent light bulbs.”

Waxman said the program was needed to spread unnecessary sacrifices more efficiently. “We've already passed a cap and trade regime that will dramatically increase utility costs for all consumers,” he told reporters. “What I'm proposing today is the creation of a program that will lower the costs of fanatical Pollyanna’s for others.”

Associated videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xOxwW4Toio&feature=player_embedded; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSlK9312nWc&feature=player_embedded

Associated articles: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/19/fashion/19greenorexia.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=difficult%20%22living%20with%22%20strain%20recycling%20carbon%20footprint&st=cse; http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/016/624cneah.asp?pg=2

Obama Science Advisor: “The End is Near, So We Might As Well Amuse Ourselves with Outlandish Global Warming Solutions”

While the Earth is currently undergoing a cooling period that computer models failed to predict, President Obama’s science advisor said yesterday the White House was already considering radical means for artificially altering the earth’s climate to prevent global warming.

Saying “we don’t have the luxury of ruling any approach off the table,” adviser John Holdron compared global warming to being “in a car with bad brakes driving toward a cliff in the fog,” except the brakes might not be bad, the cliff might not exist, the fog is a product of flawed climate change models that have failed to predict actual recorded temperatures in recent decades, and acting on such an apocalyptic analogy could actually result in said apocalypse.

Holdron outlined the following possible “geoengineering” options:

-- Creating artificial volcanoes that shoot sulfer particles into the upper atmosphere to reflect the sun’s rays. When asked where such volcanoes should be put, Holdron said that since any efforts on the part of industrialized nations to cut carbon emissions would be pointless unless undeveloped countries were prohibited from industrializing and increasing their quality of life, “we might as well put them all in the poorest parts of Africa.”

-- Building a giant tanning platform in the stratosphere where Hollywood celebrities would sunbath under giant metallic ultraviolet ray reflectors. “Aston Kutcher and Demi Moore have already pledged their fealty to President Obama,” said Holdron, “so they’re first on the list.”

-- Stationing groups of easily manipulable children across the globe who would “sing for change.” Holdron said “Such singing could scare flocks of birds and other flying animals aloft to block large swaths of harmful rays.”

Holdron admitted that international negotiations regarding what the ideal Earth temperature should be "might prove a bit difficult" in light of deep cultural and economic differences. For example, he expected European countries to "insist the temperature remain suitable for Speedos year-round."

Associated articles: http://www.newser.com/article/d97ekuog0/obama-science-adviser-global-warming-so-dire-we-may-need-to-tinker-with-earths-atmosphere.html; http://washingtontimes.com/news/2009/apr/10/blowing-smoke-the-obama-white-house-spews-climate-/; http://www.weeklystandard.com/weblogs/TWSFP/2009/01/celebrities_pledge_fealty_to_k.asp; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2naSzb1psU&feature=related

Global Warming

Associated documentary: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=288952680655100870; associated research: http://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2009/03/023144.php