Obama Declines to Reveal Plot of His Presidency at News Conference

Washington, D.C.--President Obama declined to answer most of the questions reporters asked him at his most recent press conference, saying "I owe it to my adoring fans not to reveal future plot details" about his presidency.

When asked how he might explain the dismal state of the economy following the biggest government spending spree in history, Obama said "I can't answer that because, you know, I can't reveal any spoilers."

When pressed, Obama said "This production is the result of many talented writers, and if you don't like the current plot twists, just wait until next year."

Administration officials said Obama has a "very loyal following" and that "it would be a disservice to the viewers to ruin any surprises."

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Associated article: Daily Caller

Groupon to Sue On (click image to enlarge)

Obama to Deliver Major Speech on White Guilt

Columbus, Ohio--President Obama, now facing significant congressional opposition for the first time following Republican gains in the House of Representatives, is planning what aides are calling a "major speech" on white guilt.

"The President is going to remind many of his critics that they are white, and that lots of them voted for the President because he's black," said a White House spokesperson. "It's too easy to forget that in the midst of substantive discussions regarding fundamental policy decisions."

National Endowment for the Arts Funds Artists Whose Art is Convincing Other People That What They Do Is Art

Washington, D.C.--The National Endowment for the Arts is highlighting its grants of federal taxpayer funds to artists whose only "art" is their ability to convince other people to think what they do is art.

"The work itself is crap, as most people who look at it will immediately realize," said one NEA commissioner. "But the true art in what these people do lies in the strategic schmoozing, the pretentious conversation, and the egomaniacal confidence it takes to convince fellow middle-aged-and-older hipsters on obscure government boards that the weird stuff you do to amuse yourself in an otherwise superficial life is such sheer genius that its magnificence would not be appropriately valued in a voluntary free market filled with common rubes like you."

Associated video: ReasonTV

Obama Paper Tiger Doll

Associated articles: AEI; Wall Street Journal; Associated Press; Wall Street Journal 1; National Review

Obama's Latest Shared Facebook Photo

Associated articles: Washington Post; Krauthammer