Non-Statist Street Art (click image to enlarge)

Posting Note

Now that a greater degree of balance has been restored on Capitol Hill, our writers tell us there's likely to be less absurdity on which to report. Consequently, the Op-Toons Review will no longer be updated daily. Still, new postings may be added every once in a while, as events warrant. -- The Management

Obama Visits Average American Families to Explain How Much They Owe the Government

Evertown, Nebraska--Now that the federal government is estimated to be spending $30,543 per household per year, President Obama has begun visiting average American families to personally explain their debt to the federal government in his characteristic calm, reassuring voice.

"He sat down with my family after the dinner dishes were cleared away and the teleprompter was set up," said Pete Johnson, a local small business owner. "He pulled out a spreadsheet and showed us which box we were in. Then he said -- in a smooth, polished manner that reminded me of the slow drip anesthesia I had during my last back surgery -- that all things considered, what we owed was a pretty small box in a much larger matrix."

"When he got up to leave, he patted us all on the shoulders," said Patty Johnson. "We said we didn't feel like dessert at that point, and Mrs. Obama said we shouldn't have it anyway. We poured ourselves a whisky instead."

Associated articles: Wall Street Journal; Wall Street Journal 1; Krauthammer; associated graphs: Budget Gap and Years of Democratic Control; Wall Street Journal 2; Hot Air; CNBC
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Obama Declines to Reveal Plot of His Presidency at News Conference

Washington, D.C.--President Obama declined to answer most of the questions reporters asked him at his most recent press conference, saying "I owe it to my adoring fans not to reveal future plot details" about his presidency.

When asked how he might explain the dismal state of the economy following the biggest government spending spree in history, Obama said "I can't answer that because, you know, I can't reveal any spoilers."

When pressed, Obama said "This production is the result of many talented writers, and if you don't like the current plot twists, just wait until next year."

Administration officials said Obama has a "very loyal following" and that "it would be a disservice to the viewers to ruin any surprises."

Justices Decide Case on Grounds that "We Have Lifetime Tenure, Beatch!"

Washington, D.C.--The Supreme Court struck down yet another law on ambiguous legal grounds, stating "We have lifetime tenure beatch!"

During oral argument, the Justices chided lawyers for both sides.

"We observe that all the lawyers arguing this case failed to note that judges have held their terms are for life, and that they can be removed from office only by impeachment for crimes conducted outside their judicial duties. If we just write lots of really lousy, poorly-reasoned opinions, you can't touch us," said one Justice. "Woot! Woot!"

As is customary in important cases, the Justices read their written opinion aloud to assembled reporters. The opinion, just one sentence long, said "We are pissed, case dismissed!"

Associated articles: National Review; Thomas Sowell

Headlines

Associated article: Daily Caller

Groupon to Sue On (click image to enlarge)

Obama to Deliver Major Speech on White Guilt

Columbus, Ohio--President Obama, now facing significant congressional opposition for the first time following Republican gains in the House of Representatives, is planning what aides are calling a "major speech" on white guilt.

"The President is going to remind many of his critics that they are white, and that lots of them voted for the President because he's black," said a White House spokesperson. "It's too easy to forget that in the midst of substantive discussions regarding fundamental policy decisions."

Millions of Overdraft Notices Sent to Nation's Youth

Millions of young people are anxious today as the Obama Administration has begun sending them draft notices as part of a program designed to alert the next generation of their obligations to pay the massive national debt.

According to administration officials, the notices serve to "warn young people that their future bank accounts are likely to be depleted as a result of the higher taxes required to pay for large government programs."

"Technically, these are overdraft notices," said one Treasury official. "We want young people to know they have to start saving now so they can pay for future fees and taxes and avoid negative bank balances."

Some of the nation's youth have already held "overdraft notice burning parties" in which they set fire to the overdraft cards they say violate the constitutional prohibition against slavery and symbolize a dramatic denial of personal liberty throughout their adult years.

"F**ck the man," said one angry teen. "I'm a hundred thousand dollars in debt from school, and now the feds have more than doubled my tax debt when I can't even find a job."

National Endowment for the Arts Funds Artists Whose Art is Convincing Other People That What They Do Is Art

Washington, D.C.--The National Endowment for the Arts is highlighting its grants of federal taxpayer funds to artists whose only "art" is their ability to convince other people to think what they do is art.

"The work itself is crap, as most people who look at it will immediately realize," said one NEA commissioner. "But the true art in what these people do lies in the strategic schmoozing, the pretentious conversation, and the egomaniacal confidence it takes to convince fellow middle-aged-and-older hipsters on obscure government boards that the weird stuff you do to amuse yourself in an otherwise superficial life is such sheer genius that its magnificence would not be appropriately valued in a voluntary free market filled with common rubes like you."

Associated video: ReasonTV

Obama Paper Tiger Doll

Associated articles: AEI; Wall Street Journal; Associated Press; Wall Street Journal 1; National Review

Obama's Latest Shared Facebook Photo

Associated articles: Washington Post; Krauthammer