Friday, February 26, 2010
Democrats Overwhelmingly Renew PATRIOT Act with No Changes So They Can Complain About It Another Year
"I realize that many are concerned about the unknown consequences of a government takeover of health care," said Obama. "Consequently, I am proposing today that federal taxpayer dollars be committed to insuring the unsure in the event my proposals make them worse off."
Administration officials said that under the President's plan, "No longer will anyone have to worry about the adverse consequences of expansive government, since those risks will be backed by the taxpayer." They also stressed that once Congress passes an unsure insurance program, "it would clear the way for passage of many other economic experiments."
When asked about the huge costs of such an unsure insurance program, Administration officials said the proposal would be costless "because the proposed legislation would make uncertainty illegal."
Thursday, February 25, 2010
"We listened to the President repeat his favorite talking points for several hours, well past lunch time," said one Republican who attended. "Then he sprang his Plan B on us. It was bacon."
Administration officials defended the surprise announcement, saying "People are mixing bacon with everything from ice cream to coffee to cereal. We weren't blindsiding anyone with gimmicks."
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The scientists pointed to provisions that exempted Nebraskans from additional taxes, gave special protections to union health care plans, exempted Michigan's Blue Cross Blue Shield from taxes on insurers, and granted an extra $300 million to Louisiana for Medicaid, an extra $500 million to Massachusetts, and an extra $600 million to Vermont.
"This legislation appears to follow no principles of consistency or internal logic," said one scientist. "It's probably best analyzed under chaos theory."
Associated article: Politico
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Al-Qaeda Says Five-Year Torture of Innocent Bush Administration Lawyers "Proves America is the Great Satan"
The al-Qaeda members refer to a final report by a Justice Department career official who reviewed the Bush Administration lawyers' memoranda concluding that enhanced interrogation techniques used against al-Qaeda members were legal. Following a five-year investigation, the career official concluded the Bush lawyers did not violate any standards of professional conduct, contradicting the conclusions of an earlier Justice Department report the official criticized as shifting its rationales in results-oriented ways, ignoring proper procedure, and twisting legal standards.
Osama bin Laden appears in the video, saying "First the accusers said the Bush lawyers violated the federal anti-torture statute. Then they said the lawyers should be disciplined by their state bar associations. Now it turns out the lawyers didn't commit any professional misconduct or violate any Justice Department policies. The drip, drip, drip of the threats these investigations posed to innocent lawyers over five years were spearheaded by proteges of Attorney General Eric Holder and leaked to the press in vile attempts to smear the lawyers' reputations. Those grave injustices represent the evil that is the American system of politicized prosecution."
Associated article: Wall Street Journal
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Mark Lloyd, the Federal Communications Commission's associate general counsel and "diversity czar" who wrote in 2007 on the need to close "the gap between conservative and progressive talk radio" and praised the "incredible democratic revolution" of a Venezuelan dictator, said the plan calls for boosting "good speech product" in the U.S.
The plan also calls for the U.S. to conform to a United Nations Human Rights Council resolution -- drafted by countries with stellar free speech records like China, Cuba, and Saudi Arabia -- that calls on nations to criminalize speech certain religious and racial groups deem offensive.
Such prohibitions would trump the Constitution's First Amendment, according to the State Department's top lawyer, Harold Koh, who wrote in 2003 that the American "exceptional free-speech tradition can cause problems abroad," and called on the U.S. Supreme Court to "moderate these conflicts by applying more consistently the transnational approach to judicial interpretation" that he advocates.
Koh said the goal of reaching these speech targets within five years is ambitious, but added "Either we do it, or the forces of robust debate may crush us over the long term."
Associated article: National Journal; associated video: Brietbart
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Obama Creates Commission to Study Nation's Budget Problems; Appoints Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus to Serve as Chair and Co-Chair
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Green-Friendly Rescue Subs Called in As Green-Friendly Ice Machines Yield Slush and Unprecedented Olympics Delays
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
But just over a year into the Obama Presidency, Joe's Plumbing service found that the White House communications office is "full of poo poo" after President Obama said he was "agnostic" on whether that promise should be kept.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Don Quixote To Head Obama Green Jobs Program After Stimulus Money to Wind Power Produces Drop in U.S. Wind Manufacturing Jobs
Washington, D.C.--After President Obama offered to hold a forum on health care legislation with Republicans, but refused to budge from his government-run plan, the Walt Disney Company agreed to loan their audio-animatronic Obama robot to regurgitate yet again the President's standard presentation in favor of the deeply unpopular proposal.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Al-Qaeda Leaders Charge Obama Critics with "Serving the Goals of Infidel Beasts by Distracting Them from Their March to Slaughter"
Shortly thereafter, al-Qaeda leaders piled on, charging that critics of the Obama administration's weak national security policies are "serving the goals of infidel beasts by distracting them from their march to slaughter."
Associated article: Washington Examiner
Monday, February 8, 2010
(Video also available on YouTube at this link if video below doesn't work: YouTube)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
"Oprah's just-less-than-an-hour interview format is the right fit going forward," said one Administration official. "Plus, Oprah has just about as much expertise on al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula as the FBI officials who questioned the Christmas bomber."
Associated articles: Washington Post; National Journal; Wall Street Journal
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The advisers were found huddled deep inside a jungle cave believing World War II had not yet ended.
"We've known Obama's economic team has been missing in action for a long time," said one Administration official. "But we were at a loss as to their location until we discovered their plan for massive federal deficits even larger than those seen in World War II, when measured as a percentage of the economy. That's when we began looking for them in remote island caverns.
When reached for comment, Lt. Hiroo Onoda -- one of the last previously known World War II holdouts discovered hiding on Lubang Island in 1974 -- said "I'm glad they found them, but if I were you I'd leave their budget back in the cave."
Associated article: Reuters; National Review; The Hill
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- ▼ February (30)